Talk about a rollercoaster of emotionssSSSSsssSSSSssss lately
I swear my moods are all over the place these days
I don't believe in bad luck...
But I do believe in tests of emotional strength 😅 Let's do a little recap on a couple of reasons as to why I cried this week, shall we? But first, here is some insight to what's been happening...
I may have already touched on this story, but my pregnancy brain can't remember. So let's go over it (again?)
I had my last appointment about a month ago. There was blood work done to make sure that myself and little Peanut were healthy, and that there are no risks as of yet. ALSO - the blood work was to check the gender. My best friend and I always have our appointments on the same day, about an hour or so apart. So, I went in, did the thing, and then it was her turn. Well, as we both anxiously awaited test results, we were day dreaming together about what on earth our babies could be.
I even had it all planned out - our babies are obviously going to be the opposite genders because we have completely different symptoms, and they are going to fall in love and get married someday. We would be the cutest little family!
Until she reminded me that our signif others are 5th cousins and that wouldn't work out like I envisioned...dang it. That still makes us family, right?!
ANYWAY - The Friday after my tests, I received a phone call from the clinic. It was 4:50 on a Friday afternoon. By the time I saw my phone it was too late, so I listened to the voice message. It said something along the lines of, "...calling to discuss your results." I called back only to realize it was 4:57 and the office closed at 5 for the weekend. WHAT?! I had to wait all weekend to know whatever it was that they had to tell me?
What did "discuss," mean? What were the results? Was something wrong? If everything was okay, why didn't they tell me I was perfectly fine on the voice message?
A million thoughts were racing through my mind and of course, panic set in.
Austin is genuinely an angel. He knows how to bring my naturally dramatic self back down to reality. But pregnancy hormones trigger a whole new level of emotions. Something must be wrong with Peanut 😰
Austin did what he does best and put his own anxiety away and helped me calm down. We reached out to my midwife and she 1) apologized that the office called at such an inconvenient time and 2) reassured me that absolutely everything with my lab results came back normal.
And then I could breathe again.
I got all of my results except for one...
After the fiasco of the results phone call, I learned how to access my patient portal online. Here, I can see all appointment notes and test results. My friend told me that she got word that her gender results were in, and to NOT look in the patient portal. OMG WHAAAAAT! My results must be in, too!
Nope. I peaked at the portal. Nothing. I called. Nothing. Days passed. Still...nothing. Weeks went by, and nada. What was the reasoning? "An issue with the lab order..." ?! Come again? But like that does that mean? My clinic keeps saying the will give me a call when the results come, but...when? I went to the lab website, and a little automated robot told me that the gender results weren't ordered.
And again, excuse me what?!
So of course I called the lab facility just for them to tell me that everything was ordered but they couldn't help me with the results. So...now what?
I'll continue calling the office, don't you worry about that. But I keep hitting dead ends... I know my midwife is a text or phone call away, but seeing as this isn't necessarily an emergency, I can't bring myself to reach out to her yet. I don't want to abuse the fact that I have her personal contact...maybe that's the people pleaser in me.
I also feel like people who work in OB clinics are super sweet and caring, but they deal with wild, crazy, pregnant moms regularly. So what is super important to us, may be something minor to them.
I have an appointment this upcoming week (that was canceled and rescheduled by the office because my tech wouldn't be there?! COOL 😑) - so if anything I'll call up until my appointment day and if I'm still waiting...I'll be able to share my anxiety with them...in person :)
Back to me crying...
I keep randomly tearing up. Sometimes my feelings get hurt, or I'll watch a tiktok that gets me in my feels, and sometimes I just have the random urge.
I think it's freaking hilarious now.
Luckily, Austin was working that night, so I just had to endure the judgemental stares from the dogs.
Yesterday, I had a constant lump in my throat. I knew that at any given moment, the possibility of tears was very real. "Why are you sad?" I'm not though! It's weird - that's really all I can say about the emotional sensation I've been having lately 😅
As for other wild feelings, Austin said my grumpiness isn't "too bad," so I'll take that as a win!
What did we learn today?
- I still don't know the gender of my baby - aaaaand the gender reveal is in a couple weeks
- I cry (:
But, like I always say...Peanut is so stinkin loved. And is getting SO big! I swear to you, this bump officially made it's appearance in week 16. I thought I had a lil somethin somethin in week 14 - now I'm like OH HI! Peanut is really poppin these days and I'm so obsessed. This nut is my best little friend, already.
And above all - even with frustrating situations out of my control - I have to give full credit to the good Father above. I may feel what I feel in the moment of it happening, but I know that He's got my back through anything and everything that comes my way. He's never NOT answered a prayer...it's always in His perfect timing, too. I mean...my life and where I am today is testimony alone 😊
You deserve all of the credit, my God.
As for me a P, thank you so much for being a part of our story. See you next week!
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