Bumps and Babies: Weeks 30-34 Recap

 It's almost tiiiiiiime

It's surreal that this adventure is on its last chapter. I feel like it was definitely not many months ago when I announced my pregnancy. It feels like only a few weeks...And, here we are! With a literal friggin countdown!  

Comparing the trimesters is kind of funny.

1st: Exhausted. Randomly nauseated by random foods. Exhausted. Looking in the mirror daily to see if the bump has appeared. Random cravings. Breakouts begin to pop out.

2nd: Energy?! WOOOO. Still randomly nauseous at the thought of chicken. Hungry all of the time. Carbs. Desire to continue to workout, but the feet hurt in weird ways. Beginning stages of nesting - the need to organize the whole house is overwhelming. Breakouts worsen. Clothes do not fit. Randomly very emo.

3rd: If trimesters 1& 2 had a baby, it would be 3. 

 My energy is there, but I find myself exhausted at the same time? I cook dinner and I'm winded. I'm constantly out of breath. I'm a voice messager vs a text messager because it's more ocnvenient...but I lose air so quickly. I tend to heavy breathe more than I mean to. I can get anxious very easily if things aren't in order - but then my mood switches and I become patient with a process of doing things in my own time.Weird combo, I know.

As of lately, this feeling of pure happiness fills me. I can't quite explain what I mean, but I feel...happy. Maybe it's hormones, maybe its love...I'm not sure. But who wouldn't want to feel warm and fuzzy? I mean, I've had a couple of days throughout the last couple of months where my emotions took a turn and I couldn't figure out why...but when my mental tantrum was over, this feeling of love came back full force.

When the hard day happened, I woke up one morning and cried from sun up to sun down. Poor Austin was doing his best to ease my nerves, but I couldn't shake the funk. I've seen tiktoks where mommas - to - be cry over a drive through not having what they want, or someone eating their left overs (mostly food related...I understand completely) - but I can't say what it was exactly that set off my emotions.

I remember curling in a ball that night and crying to Austin about just not feeling like enough. 

As a mom (sorry dads, I can't speak for you) I felt the weight of wanting to do everything, not knowing where to start, and feeling like I just couldn't do it all. I didn't even know what everything was...but in my mind, I was incapable of it.

I wanted the house to be done, but I didn't know how to help. I felt guilty for being exhausted. I feared for life after birth - could I handle it? And the realization that Austin and I would never be "just the two of us," ever again hit.

I was in an overwhelming, guilt filled frenzy.

 I've always dreamed of being a mom. Remember? Some girls planned their wedding days as kids, while I planned my life as a mother. This is my literal dream come true.

But I think the unknown also scares me.

Thank the good Lord above for blessing me with such an amazing partner, because that man soothed my fears and reminded me that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling...hormones just don't let me hide my poker face as well.

And then that warm fuzzy feeling sank back in and I was okay. 

You know how people say, "It's okay to not be okay" ? While I understand and agree, it's also important to find positive ways to be okay. I knew that if it weren't for Austin calming me down, I would have sat and pitied myself for being so sad, for much longer than necessary.

During pregnancy, I can't express how important it is to have someone to help be your back bone. I mean, you're dealing with daily changes while growing a human...you need someone to understand the chaos and soften the hard days.

I hate being vulnerable, especially when I was having a hard time understanding my own feelings. But I had someone to help me cope. When you're pregnant, you have to be able to let someone in. You shouldn't desire to carry the weight of life changes all on your own.

 I've said this from the beginning, pregnancy isn't easy. Like my friend Carley said way back in our 1st trimester - "Pregnancy is not for the weak." 

Facts! 

But even through the difficult situations - sickness, swelling, pressure (both mental and physical), emotions, anxiety - you are experiencing a journey that no one else on planet earth will ever have. 

Sure I'm pregnant at the same time as a million of my friends...but none of us feel what the others feel. None of us have these special bonds with these little people that we are cooking. We can share stories and empathize with one another, but this is the most special, intimate experience ever - for each woman.

As my own personal journey continues to climb, I'm torn between being ready and not wanting it to end. I'm soaking in the discomfort, kicks, sleeplessness, and waddling around as much as I can.

 My Peanut, as stubborn as he is, has finally decided to put his little head where it's supposed to be. When I tell you I was shocked to learn...I was shocked! I could have sworn that he was still sideways because of the amount of pressure I'd feel on my sides. But, come to find out, he is still sprawled and not quite in birthing position. I'm not going to complain, though, because he worked his way around and I'm so proud of him already. He is doing his own thang in his timing and I'm going to keep cheering him on.

I had so many people telling me not to worry about his position yet. But, you have to understand how hard it is to just "not worry." It's like telling someone who is sad, to not be sad. Especially because this is my first rodeo - I wanted everything to be perfect and I needed Peanut to be okay. 

What I learned from my guy being transverse is: 

- Do the inversions daily

- Move and stretch daily

- Talk to your baby

I know these seem simple, but listen...I went from hyper focusing, to the mindset of "we are going to work together here, okay little guy?"

The inversions (because they are literal headaches) reminded me how to find my meditative breathing again. The moving and stretching allowed me to focus on body parts that I hadn't in a long time. And Baby Grey and I had some lengthy chats. I talked to him before, but during the flip period, I really focused on being positive, calm, and soothing. It was a sweet bonding period of "You can do this." 

God, in His beautiful ways, allowed this to be a learning period for me. I learned to not let fear and anxiety take over... I had to trust and be patient. Of course I still stressed, but I stopped beating myself up. See how He works? He brings light and grace to uncomfortable situations.

 As the days pass and the weeks go by, I remember being 20 something weeks pregnant and the thought of labor seemed so far off. And yet, here I am with just a handful of time left. But, as I get closer, I'm preparing my check list for a hospital bag, shaving down my birthing plan, and signed up for a birthing class.

Moment of honesty...

I had a mindset of going into labor completely clueless. "I don't want to overwhelm myself, so I'm going to let the professionals do their thing and lead the way." 

BUT - as I get closer, I'm making it a point to educate myself.

My advice is...find an online coach, support system, or class to learn from. You have every right to understand what is happening in that room, and you have every right to say what you'd like to happen in situations. 

My original mindset was coming from a place of fear, and my new mindset is coming from a place of: me genuinely wanting to understand and gain confidence in this process.

Don't go in blind. Understand the methods. Have a say in what you want. You can listen to advice from friends and family, but there is nothing like learning through a trusted professional and deciding to call your own shots. Let the medical staff be guides - let them help you, but you be the driver.

This is all coming from a place of "I've never given birth before so I have no idea what to expect myself..." But I truly believe every momma has a voice during labor.

-> I highly recommend the Labor Nurse Mama (@labor.nure.mama). I can't take credit for finding her, a good friend sent her my way. She offers a 5 day free birthing course to help new and not new moms gain control and confidence - claiming their own birth stories. She also has a podcast that I've learned so much from.

I can't believe I've been pregnant for almost 9 months. That's almost a year. 9 months of hard work on the inside, outside, and mental...for a lifetime of change. Austin and I are going to raise the best son, brother, boyfriend, husband, and father. I'm a little biased ;)

I'm not really sure how to sign off on this blog. I don't want to stop talking about what I'm learning, but my brain is also a little lost as to where else to go...

I can't promise when I'll update again - we still have a lot of prep before this baby pops out and TBH time has been getting away from me - But I can promise that I'll do it eventually. If there is anything massively significant, expect an update.

Until then, send your love, prayers, and happy thoughts in the direction of all expecting moms.

And moms reading this - someone commented on a recent post of mine saying "Sleep as much as you can! Eat hotdogs between naps..." And I couldn't agree more.

K love you bye!